Dealing with Bullying, Emotional and Physical Abuse

“One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but cannot be taken away unless it is surrendered.” —Michael J. Fox

Girls are more vicious then boys. If two boys have a disagreement they go out have a fight, and then its over. Girls they tend to hold a grudge against each other. Girls can be down right vicious. If a girl has a problem with another girl they will do everything in their power to destroy her. I remember being bullied in high school.

I was also trying so hard to be accepted. This had a huge impact on my self-esteem.

It wasn’t easy going through high school as an outcast. I went right from high school into an abusive relationship. I was his punching bag, and if I fought back, the abuse got worse.

Once he got angry with me at a party. He grabbed me by the hair, pulled me down a flight of stairs, and begun punching me in front of everyone. I was so humiliated. He always apologized and promised never to hit me again, but he always did and blamed me for making him angry. Everything was my fault. I used make-up to cover my bruises and I started to believe that it was the only love that I was deserving of. I stayed with him for a year, because I didn’t have the courage to walk away. If it wasn’t for one of my friends at the time, I have no doubt that my story would have had a different ending.

One night, I went out to the bar with a friend. When I came home he threatened to kill me. Had I not left him that night, he most likely would have. One month later, he ran into me on my way to meet a date for drinks. He begun pushing me around and ended up spraining my arm. That was the last time he hurt me. I ended up pressing charges and put him away for six months.

I’ve not seem him in 19 years though. 8 years ago he called me out of the blue. I got a restraining order against him.

Shawn and I have been together 18 years now. He’s a wonderful man.

It has taken a great deal of self-esteem building to be able to leave my past behind.

My physical bruises are no longer showing, but the emotional wounds never fade. Physical abuse leaves one angry, and aggressive. Shawn showed me what real love was. He has stayed with me through all the years I struggled to find myself. There is love after abuse.

It took years of both physical and emotional abuse, before I was able to get the courage to stand up for myself and not allow myself to be victimized. Low self-esteem is something that sadly I still struggle with today.

Low self-esteem is both painful and difficult to overcome, yet I have devoted myself to excellence in all that I do. I will not allow myself to fail, as I spent too many years being told that I was nobody.

If I could go back and give my teen self some advice, I would tell her that she is somebody and she is worthy of being love and that no one can make her feel inferior without her consent.

I am somebody. I didn’t realize it then, but I do now.

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