Baby Loss – What not to say

When someone loses a baby be it through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, still birth or infant death it is still a loss. I realize that sometimes people just don’t know what to say, but you know at times it is best not to say anything at all.

Everyone’s experience will be different  and unless you have suffered a loss you can not really comprehend what someone else is going through and even if you have loss you can only sympathize because we really are separate individuals and we all feel pain differently.

Having loss two babies myself one due to ectopic pregnancy and my daughter due to doctor negligence I still can not get over what some people say. I know they really mean well, but a short life or even an unborn life can make a huge difference to our lives.

I was reading a discussion today that really disturbed me. It was the things that were said to a woman who just experienced a loss.

Just because her baby was not yet born, her baby’s life is not worth any less. When someone has a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy, she still needs time to greive because it is still the loss of her baby. There is no time limit for grieving.

The following  things are commonly said and  they shouldn’t be.

“Maybe its God’s way of giving you a chance to get everything in order when ever your ready to have another one its going to be ok.”

“Maybe, it is not yet the right time for you to have a baby.”

“Don’t be sad there is always a second chance.”

“It was meant to be.”

“I know the feeling of losing a foetus even though it is not born yet.”

“I know how it would feel to lose a child.”

“I hope you’ll overcome this sooner so that your life goes on.”

“You are still very young and you can always have another baby.”

“It was probably for the best.”

“Better it happened now, rather than later.”

Miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, still birth, infant death or child death all are very different but each one of them is still a bereavement. Please understand that the person has lost a life and just because the baby wasn’t born does not mean it shouldn’t hurt less.

A loss is a loss. It can take months or even years to grieve a loss. My daughter has been gone 15 years and it still hurts.

I do not believe a parent can ever get over the death of a child or baby, because they were apart of them.

If you liked this post, why not buy me a coffee?