Rose DesRochers – World Outside my Window

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Rose DesRochers – World Outside my Window

Teen Dating Issues-Teens and Older Partners

July 12th, 2008 by Rose DesRochers · 11 Comments

I started to blog this yesterday, but it sat in my draft folder until I could finish it.

What are your thoughts on a 16 year-old girl dating a 36-year old man. I know that some of you are probably thinking the same thing I am. What kind of 36 year-old would date someone that young?

Does it matter what the age difference is in a relationship?

It is certainly different for a 16 year-old girl to be dating a 36 year-old man than it is for a 32 year-old woman to be dating a 52 year-old man. A 20 year age difference isn’t so bad when the two involved are adults.
My father was 18 years my mother’s elder. Both had experienced life and thus mature enough to enter a relationship together.

When a 16 year old girl dates a man 20 years her elder there is much more that we have to look at then simply an age gap. A teens’ life is just starting while a 30 + years olds’ life is in full swing. Many young girls, have a unique view on reality and an older man can seem very exciting when in reality it isn’t. While older guys can seem glamorous to a younger girl, these relationships can lead teenage girls into risky situations.

A 36 year-old man has had life experiences that a 16 year-old girl would not have even begin to experience. I would assume a man of 36 dating a girl of 16 is preying on a younger more naive person. The 36-year old man is not her peer, therefore she will be exposed to a more older lifestyle then she may be ready for.

What do you think about younger girls dating older guys? How would you feel about your teen dating someone older? Please share your opinions here on age differences in teen dating.

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Rose wears many hats. She's a wife, mother, respite worker, proud shih-tzu owner, blogger, published poet, freelance writer, as well as the owner and administrator of Today's Writing Community and Blogger Talk Blogging Community. Feel free to contact her with any questions you may have.Rose DesRochers has 1019 post(s) at Rose DesRochers – World Outside My Window

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11 responses so far ↓

  • boomergrl49
    Wrote: Jul 12, 2008 at 2:04 pm

    I think that a 16 year-old girl is still a child, and the 36 year old ADULT needs to get his head out of his a_ _ and make an ADULT decision to date adult women and not children. I’m sorry, I think it’s child abuse and his sorry butt should sit in the slammer.

    I’m aware that young girls have really developed bodies at young ages–my granddaughter, at age 11, is a lot more physically mature than I was at age 11. But having developed bodies does mean that young girls are mature enough to date adult men. You are so right, a 36 year-old has a level of experience that the young girl cannot fathom.

    This is not the kind of man that I would want my adult child/grandchild to be involved with.

    If a child or grandchild of mine , under the age of consent, was dating an adult, I would go after that adult legally. And if the teen, or young person did not like it, that’s just too bad.

    As parents and grandparents, I feel we have a duty to protect our young ones.

    Whether our young ones like it or not.

  • GaryJay
    Wrote: Jul 12, 2008 at 4:24 pm

    I think any seriousl relationship between a 16yo female and a 36yo male—is totally suspect. and waaaay to many dark negative possibilites flash into my head when I think about it. The male obvious is not capable of mingling with his own age group, but CAN (at least in his sick mind) cope with 16yo’s. The 16yo female is whistling in the dark, playing house with an older male—. She obviously hates her parents cause she has to know they aren’t approving of this relationship, and if they are not actively squashing it, then none of the above matters—-its just a matter of reading the stats in the paper, of another young girl found in a dumpster—or gosh he seems so nice and quiet—-

  • MRMacrum
    Wrote: Jul 12, 2008 at 7:31 pm

    I agree with you. Once a person reaches their 20’s, I would say whatever blows their dress up. But I know from my own experience as a 16 year old, I would not be ready to handle a mature relationship. And most certainly the girls my age at the time surely did not seem ready to handle it.

    Like GJG says, the situation seems fishy and one sided. At 36, I would have never considered it as it would be like dating my daughter.

    If it was my daughter, you can bet my opinion and best efforts to break it up would be brought to bear. Thankfully, my daughter had education on her mind at 16. Relationships took a back seat to her love of learning. I think they still do.

  • floyd
    Wrote: Jul 13, 2008 at 12:28 am

    My father like yours was much older than my mother, however when they met mom was about 21 years old.

    I think like you if they were older it would not mean that much however, looking on the opposite side the 16 year old dating a much older man, looks like child abuse, because the younger girl is not able to make a rational decision.

  • Ananya
    Wrote: Jul 13, 2008 at 12:04 pm

    Its totally insane…if the 36 year old man couldnt find some one from his generartion then there is something really wrong! 16 years is such a young age and there can be a lot of awe in seeing elders do big stuff and the likes….they are still very young at 16! It was the responsibility of the 36 year old male to actually guide her,but sadly his mental state drives him the other way! There has been cases of this sort in India! Almost regular in rural parts of the country!

  • Sy
    Wrote: Jul 13, 2008 at 5:24 pm

    Personally I think 16 might be too young, but when I was 19 I was seeing a 31 year old, and did for a good few years.

    One problem I do see here is that kids today are a lot older a lot younger. If that makes sense. So when we think back to when we were 16, and how some (not all obviously) 16 year olds were, and now look at how they are now, it is easy for someone to at first not realise they are as young. I know I could have a conversation with a couple I know and if I didnt know they were 16, I would think they were nearer 18.

    Like everything, it is a matter of opinion, and everyone has their own. I don’t know the man, and I do not know your daughter. The only people who know how this should all end are the people directly involved.

    Should I find myself in this position in 16 years time with my daughter, then I guess I will also have to deal with it!

    Good luck!

  • Rose DesRochers
    Wrote: Jul 13, 2008 at 8:26 pm

    Just for the record Sy this post has nothing to do with either of My daughters. If you recall my daughter who would have been 16 is dead and my 18 year old daughter’s b/f is 18 too.

  • sad mom
    Wrote: Jul 13, 2008 at 11:39 pm

    My 32 yr old son is engaged to an 18 yr old girl. He’s had a number of ‘flings’ and is pretty young in character. He doesn’t even look his age, many people mistake him for a 23 yr old. He is totally besotted with her and cannot see that she is manipulative and has a total disregard for my opinions on anything. Eg the cleanliness of the house (she’s obsessive/compulsive), the cooking, etc. I now cook my own meals and eat in my room. Through circumstances, we ‘flat’ together because he followed her to her job in another city and he didn’t want me to be left alone. My husband has alzheimers and is in a rest home in another city. I have no home, no money except a small benefit and feel totally useless at 60 not being able to get a job. Now, with the situation with my son and his fiancee (sic), I want out, but there is no-where to go, so I stay in my room most of the time. All the furniture etc and the car is mine. I paid for us all to get here, over $3k with rent, bond, removal etc. Her speech is littered with foul language at all times. I can’t bear this. Why can’t my son see how demeaning it is for him and me? I didn’t bring him up to disrespect his elders. Seems there’s nothing I can do. Any advice about handling the situation I would be grateful for. Thanks.

  • Rose DesRochers
    Wrote: Jul 13, 2008 at 11:59 pm

    Sad mom. Have you tried contacting Age Concern New Zealand? (

    They may be able to be of some help. Age Concern is a national organization that works for the rights and wellbeing of older people.

    I’ll keep you in my prayers.

  • Canadian Guy
    Wrote: Jul 14, 2008 at 3:24 am

    I’m mixed on the matter as I currently have feelings for a 16 year old female and I’m 35. She lives in the states and we met online (no not a chat room or dating site I wasn’t looking for young women) She says she’s in love with me and I believe that I feel the same way. I’ve dated women in their 30’s but most are too obsessed with marriage and kids and I want neither. She doesn’t care about my age (I certainly don’t look 35 more like 25) and nothing really serious would happen until she was 18 even though her state and my country say that 16 is the age of consent but it’s not about that. I could “score” if i wanted to but sex isn’t everything in your 30’s. She wants to attend college up here and would really like to live here. Honestly, I’d do what I could to make that happen.. age is just a number. What magically happens between 16-18 or 18-20.. are you really a more mature person in two years or four. I think society is too hung up on age.. because I’m in my 30’s I have to date someone my own age.. why? Because that’s the norm? What is normal? If the law sees it as being ok then why the cringe.. because of age? There are more important things in life than worrying about a mystical “age gap”. Love knows no bounds.. colour, creed, race or religion so why is age the big taboo?

  • Maria
    Wrote: Nov 28, 2008 at 11:13 am

    I met my husband 2 months before my 18 and he was few months away from 40. At the moment I am 24 an he will soon be 45 and we still together and have a 3 year old son and a great releationchip. To me age is no problem as long as the older person is not using the younger one. At 17-18 I was very muture and alert. Sorry for any misspelling since am spanish is very easy to make spelling error.