Rose DesRochers – World Outside my Window

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Rose DesRochers – World Outside my Window

Empty Nest- Never Truly Empty

July 7th, 2009 by Rose DesRochers · 6 Comments

I’m the parent of an adult. When did this happen?

Where does the time go? That’s a question that we have asked ourselves many times.

My oldest daughter left the nest almost three weeks ago. Walking past her empty room was hard. I would stop in front of the room and break down crying.

Though she only moved a few blocks from home it was the fact that she was no longer under the same roof as me.

Three to four calls a day from my daughter is helping the emptiness I feel inside. I am adapting to the new change just as she is.

I know that I still needed my Mother after I left home and I believe she still needs me. I’m recognizing that now she has turned into a young woman she has a different need.

She doesn’t need me to ground her from the phone, because she cut class or lecture her on what clothes she’s wearing. (Though I must admit that some habits are hard to break.)

She now needs to be able to come to me and vent about her boyfriend or ask me advice on how to get mildew smell out of carpets after the apartment floods. (That did happen recently.)

I already see our relationship changing and I look forward to that change. On Sunday she celebrated her 19th birthday and I admit that it was nice to be able to sit back and have a few drinks and laughs with her.

Parenting is a life-long commitment. You never stop worrying about your children no matter how old they are.

Parenting still continues after children leave home. It’s just a different kind of parenting now and I need to adjust to that change.

I need to learn not to just give my opinion, but ask if she wants to hear it. The last thing I want to be is a controlling mom. I also need to learn not to coddle her as much as I do.

Recognizing my daughters need for independence has been a huge challenge for me, but I know that she needs to be independent. After all it’s part of the circle of life.

Your children may leave home, but your nest will never truly be empty.

To those of you with small children if I can give you any advice at all today it’s this: Don’t blink because the moment that you do; your 15 year old son is in love for the first time, your daughter has turned 19 and embarking on a life of her own.

Cherish even the smallest moments, because it all goes by so fast. My daughter stepped into adulthood over night. To her I say “Please be patient with me. I’m still learning the ropes.”

I hope when my son leaves home in a few years I’ll be ready.

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Rose wears many hats. She's a wife, mother, respite worker, proud shih-tzu owner, blogger, published poet, freelance writer, as well as the owner and administrator of Today's Writing Community and Blogger Talk Blogging Community. Feel free to contact her with any questions you may have.Rose DesRochers has 1019 post(s) at Rose DesRochers – World Outside My Window

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6 responses so far ↓

  • Shawn DesRochers
    Wrote: Jul 8, 2009 at 12:38 am

    This is so true Rose! Watching our little girl grow up has been a joy, with each little step and each little trial an error she has grown up right under our noses. As parents we try to hang on as long as we can, and thats why its so hard to let go when that time has arrived. Our daughter needed us so much for so many things its probably why its so hard to let her go out on her own. But you are correct, she still needs us — its just a different type of need that she requires.

    We have taught her many things in life but the most important one is Love we have for her and our son.

    Shawn DesRochers

  • Roger Green
    Wrote: Jul 8, 2009 at 1:41 am

    My daughter is five. EVERYONE says to enjoy the time now, because it’ll pass much too quickly.

  • Tammy
    Wrote: Jul 8, 2009 at 7:59 am

    It’s always a sad time when children leave the nest, and a big adjustment. Know this, if you gave her proper direction and good morals while she was growing up she will be just fine and the fact that she was ready to leave the nest says that you did your job.

  • Greg H.
    Wrote: Jul 9, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    That was a very nice post and it reminded me of how my relationship with my parents has changed throughout the years. When I was a teenager, I was convinced my parents knew nothing; and now that I’m in my early 30s, I wish that I knew a fraction of what they know!

  • Chris ONeal
    Wrote: Jul 9, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    Wow, great post. My daughter is 13 and I have to admit it’s very very difficult to let her grow. We are very close, and I have loved every single year of her growing. But, I know that day is coming one day when she’ll move into the next phase. I know I will have an incredibly hard time! Scary. But, you are so right, the second you blink, all of a sudden they’re not riding on your back anymore, they’re wanting to practice driving.

  • Ching Ya
    Wrote: Jul 16, 2009 at 9:42 am

    “Your children may leave home, but your nest will never truly be empty.” — I agree 100%.

    I haven’t got a child yet, but as a daughter I do feel no matter how old I get, there will always be a place for me at home. My mom is the one I can get advice and comfort from, always. I believe your daughter feel the same way. You’re a great mom, she knows it. ^^

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