Rose DesRochers – World Outside my Window

is a blog about strange products, controversial topics, blogging tips, daily life, & the world as I see it.
Rose DesRochers – World Outside my Window


Blog conflicts

January 28th, 2010 by Rose DesRochers · 24 Comments

Blogging is a powerful medium. Blogs provides us with the means to network with other people who share our interest.

However, sometimes something we type in a blog comment can very easily be misunderstood and taken out of context.

This can lead to misunderstandings and unnecessary conflict. Accusations are then made against the commenter that would never have been made in a face to face meeting.

Speed reading through posts or comments can also lead to misinterpretations.

Recently, I have had a couple of my comments misinterpreted by a particular blogger. Because my comments were misinterpreted this person became defensive.

I was not trying to debate with this person. They were just simply misinterpreting anything I said.

Perhaps, because of past disagreements they were looking for an argument from me.

This has all resulted in my becoming fearful of even commenting on their blog or any where they guessed blogged, as it seems that they are misunderstanding anything I remark and challenging me on every comment.

To avoid future conflict I asked this person to not comment on my blog anymore and I would not comment on theirs. This resulted in them blogging about the entire issue.

I made the mistake of trying to explain myself to them and how I felt, but I really don’t think they are listening. They still assume that I was trying to argue with them. “Sigh”

Now a simple misunderstanding has become an issue.

I really wanted to resolve the conflict, but I just don’t see that happening.

To avoid misunderstanding like this, we as bloggers need to be very cautious not to take what is being said out of context.

I know I have done it before and ended up hurting feelings.

We need to respect one another, and understand that it’ s not always easy to express ourselves online.

I know that I don’t always come across as clear as I’d like to in my writing.

This has been a helpful reminder to me and I hope it will be you too.

Checking assumptions is very important.

Before jumping to assumptions it might be best to ask a commenter to clarify what they meant. That way there will be no hurt feelings.

What do you think? Have you ever left a comment only to have it taken out of context?

How do you improve your online communication? I’d love to hear any tips that you might have on clearer communication.

For better online communication do read “Conflict in Cyberspace: How to Resolve Conflict Online

If you liked this post, why not buy me a coffee?


Rose wears many hats. She's a wife, mother, respite worker, proud shih-tzu owner, blogger, published poet, freelance writer, as well as the owner and administrator of Today's Writing Community and Blogger Talk Blogging Community. Feel free to contact her with any questions you may have.Rose DesRochers has 1019 post(s) at Rose DesRochers – World Outside My Window

Tags: Blog Babble
del.icio.us:Blog conflicts  digg:Blog conflicts  wists:Blog conflicts  simpy:Blog conflicts  blinklist:Blog conflicts  reddit:Blog conflicts  fark:Blog conflicts  blogmarks:Blog conflicts  Y!:Blog conflicts  magnolia:Blog conflicts  stumbleupon:Blog conflicts

Related Post:

If you found this page useful, consider linking to it.
Simply copy and paste the code below into your web site (Ctrl+C to copy)
It will look like this: Blog conflicts




You must log in to post a comment.

24 responses so far ↓

  • Ari Herzog
    Wrote: Jan 28, 2010 at 5:10 pm

    While it is human to apologize, the social web makes apologies moot to a point as everything is indexed whenever you write it. Emails are indexed, phone calls are not indexed. In lieu of getting into a flame war in the comment section of a blog, turn it over to a phone call.
    .-= Ari Herzog´s last blog..Renewing Twitter Usage as My Sabbatical Ends =-.

    ReplyReply
  • Roger Green
    Wrote: Jan 28, 2010 at 5:18 pm

    Damned if I know. Someone sent me a really nasty note (basically, F U) from a source called bitingremarks.com then a second one from another source. Oddly, he (I assume it’s a he) wrote a nice comment on my blog re my daughter. (Same handle – very sloppy.) I was about to write about it, then haven’t – yet.
    .-= Roger Green´s last blog..Lacking Grace =-.

    ReplyReply

    Rose DesRochers Reply:

    You should Roger. Why would someone do that?

    ReplyReply
  • Rose DesRochers
    Wrote: Jan 28, 2010 at 5:53 pm

    I tried to clarify, but what happens when someone doesn’t wish to listen?

    ReplyReply
  • Rose DesRochers
    Wrote: Jan 28, 2010 at 6:25 pm

    It my case it was a male who misinterpreted my comments.

    ReplyReply
  • Dana @ Blogging Update
    Wrote: Jan 28, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    I think i see the conflict that you tell in this article. And in my opinion, that conflict is still normal. Argue each other (debate) is a good way to brain storming our thought. But yeah — it is your decision whether to avoid conflict or not.
    .-= Dana @ Blogging Update´s last blog..Effective Way to Learn From Favorite Blogs =-.

    ReplyReply

    Rose DesRochers Reply:

    Dana, the thing is that I was not wishing to argue or debate.

    I made a commit that was misunderstood & taken out of context, which resulted in conflict that could had been easily avoided has this person simply asked me to explain my comment.

    Debate is good when there is something to be actually debated.

    ReplyReply
  • Extreme John
    Wrote: Jan 28, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    Hey Rose I wouldn’t worry about it at this point, if you tried to resolve the issue in your eyes and it’s still not getting any better let it go. It’s probably not worth the energy or time 🙂
    .-= Extreme John´s last blog..11 Things You Probably Don’t Know About Me =-.

    ReplyReply

    Rose DesRochers Reply:

    Thanks John.

    ReplyReply
  • Glen
    Wrote: Jan 28, 2010 at 7:06 pm

    While it’s unfortunate to have to ask someone to not comment on your site it is your site.

    Disagreeing with someone is one thing. Being rude when doing so is another thing.

    It’s nice to hear other opinions on something. When it’s done in a supportive way..

    To answer your specific questions I make extensive use of sarcasm in both my posts and my comments so I probably get both taken out of context lots. I do try to be polite in my comments though..

    I need to sort out my ideas more before posting and commenting. Make sure I think before hitting the post button.

    As far as tips I can only say even when we disagree with someone we should be nice about it.
    We disagree with an opinion not the actual person. So we need to make that clear..

    You write a lot of posts that make me think..
    Thanks..
    .-= Glen´s last blog..Do Something =-.

    ReplyReply
  • Hulbert
    Wrote: Jan 28, 2010 at 7:08 pm

    Hi Rose. I know it may be hard, but I don’t think you should let it bother you. As bloggers, there is so much that we have to worry about, and comments should be one of the last things we should obsess over.

    Maybe that person was just having a bad day or maybe he did really interpret it differently. But the more you try to change their mind, the more they may become defensive. A simple matter turns into a complicated one. It’s better to just avoid it and move on. Take care. 🙂
    .-= Hulbert´s last blog..Trust Your Intuition – How I Almost Joined a Pyramid Scheme =-.

    ReplyReply
  • Steve Youngs
    Wrote: Jan 28, 2010 at 7:33 pm

    Communicating via text by itself is probably the toughest way to communicate.

    The actual words in a face to face conversation play a small fraction of the total communication. Tone of voice, inflections, volume, facial expressions and body language, touch, and a whole host of other things. We never think about them, they are just there. They govern our understanding and how we’ll react and respond.

    None of those things are present in a text only conversation. And most people never bother to pause for half a second to realise that.

    Steve’s Law:
    When it goes wrong…
    Apologise profusely; forgive completely; forget immediately.
    To stop it going wrong…
    Ask questions

    Just a few hours ago I received a rather cryptic twitter @reply which made me wonder if I’d done something wrong. Instead of assuming anything and probably ruining a potentially lovely friendship I simply stated I didn’t understand and I asked if I’d done anything wrong. The other party wasn’t offended by that in the slightest and their quick reply completely cleared things up.
    .-= Steve Youngs´s last blog..The Little Engine That Could =-.

    ReplyReply

    Rose DesRochers Reply:

    I know the cryptic reply that you speak of. 😉 Glad it was cleared up quickly. 🙂

    ReplyReply
  • Steve Youngs
    Wrote: Jan 28, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    @Ari Herzog:

    Not always practical when most of the world is living a international phone call away from you.

    And I’d guess that most heated online “discussions” take place between individuals who do not know each other’s phone number. Are you really going to give you phone number to a stranger your arguing with online? I sure as hell wouldn’t.

    If something has gotten to the point where a simple apology (online) won’t cut it, then it’s time to move on, IMO.
    .-= Steve Youngs´s last blog..The Little Engine That Could =-.

    ReplyReply

    Rose DesRochers Reply:

    Heck some of my relatives and in-laws don’t even have my phone number. lol

    ReplyReply
  • Gordie
    Wrote: Jan 28, 2010 at 9:51 pm

    Hi Rose,
    If I have the slightest doubt that what I write may be taken out of context, I always add a smiley face at the end of it to signify that I’m not attacking the person but leaving the comment in a friendly manner.
    .-= Gordie´s last blog..How Passionate Speaking Can Be Deceiving. =-.

    ReplyReply
  • Anne
    Wrote: Jan 29, 2010 at 12:05 pm

    I worked in an office where you could speak from your desk to the person you were communicating with yet they insisted on emails being sent instead. No problem. I was very direct. Not rude, just direct. Others took offense. I took extra care in making sure I was direct but not so direct. Others took offense. Finally, they called me into a meeting and told me people are taking me the wrong way and it’s my fault. I needed to put a little smiley at the end. Okay. So now I was direct with a smiley and others still took offense because now I’m a smartass.

    I gave up and told everyone to stop being so difficult. It was counterproductive to take an hour to write an email that should take a few moments. I did most of my communicating in person after that. No problems.

    The point, you can be very upbeat in your comment and possibly smiling, but someone takes it completely different and ‘boom’ feelings are hurt and blah blah blah. Don’t give it another thought. I don’t know this other person, but they are probably looking for attention and your the fodder [this time].
    .-= Anne´s last blog..Honor Thy Father ~ Forefathers, that is =-.

    ReplyReply
  • Rose DesRochers
    Wrote: Jan 30, 2010 at 2:43 pm

    Thanks for the quote and comment.

    ReplyReply
  • Rose DesRochers
    Wrote: Jan 30, 2010 at 6:55 pm

    Did I somehow give impression that I was saying I have never done this?

    I have! Heck we all have, but Mitch there’s a different between misinterpreting a thing or two and constantly taking someones comments out of context just to start a debate.

    ReplyReply
  • Mitch
    Wrote: Jan 30, 2010 at 7:02 pm

    @Rose DesRochers:

    You didn’t indicate it in your post, to tell you the truth, although I figured you were including yourself in there.

    And yes, some folks are just argumentative. We usually figure out those types really early, and some of us determine to leave those folks alone and move on.

    I look at it from the perspective of how people treat me in person as opposed to being online. In person, no one, and I mean never, gets in my face on anything, probably because of the physical threat they worry about (I’m not a small guy). Online, some people will give it to you way over the top, feeling they’re protected; that’s why there are so many aliases. In this case, I don’t get argumentative unless I’m having fun doing it; kind of like one night on Twitter when some racist decided to write me and I started pounding him with history and statistics; I don’t suffer racists well at all. But most of the time I’d have just blocked the idiot and moved on.

    By th eway, you asked how one can improve online communications. Well, I can’t specifically answer that one better than I tried to already, so I’ll suggest instead a book called Crucial Conversations, which is very good.

    ReplyReply

    Rose DesRochers Reply:

    Thank you for pointing out to me I hadn’t. I will edit my post now.

    ReplyReply
  • Rose DesRochers
    Wrote: Jan 30, 2010 at 9:15 pm

    Looks to be working?

    ReplyReply
  • SnaggleTooth
    Wrote: Jan 31, 2010 at 4:18 am

    So far I’ve been very lucky not to have made Blog-enemies. I’ve had a few comments I thought were off-base or disaggreeing with my idea, but I never went to war over them. Sometimes it just results in stopped reading-commenting without an exchange at all.
    Most folks seek harmony n contacts, n de-stressing online- not discord!
    At some points , weirdness was revealed to be drunken behavior! Then forgiven.
    I suppose fighting can be an entertainment for some tho…
    .-= SnaggleTooth´s last blog..Cold Beach Changes =-.

    ReplyReply
  • Don
    Wrote: Feb 1, 2010 at 11:10 am

    Been there, done that, bought the T-Shirt as they say. I agree, one must, unfortunately, be careful how they word their comments and be worried about how it would be taken, which is a bad thing.

    Comments are there for a person to share their thoughts on what is posted, and it may not agree with the poster’s thoughts, but that is what the blogging process is about I thought?

    Anyway, good luck with this event!

    (See your email plugin worked, I have you in my blog reader, and get notified of new post now. 😉

    ReplyReply