A trend of revealing clothing for young girls
Most of today’s clothing styles for teen girls do nothing to promote modesty.
If you have a teen daughter in high school, her back-to-school shopping list may contain a pair of skinny jeans. They are apparently what is hot this school year.
Now a days it is nearly impossible to find pants that do not sit ridiculously low or extremely tight. Don’t get me started on skirts?
A skirt should cover your butt when you sit down and I don’t think it is ok for a 15 year old to be wearing a revealing top that shows off her cleavage.
Oh and tights are not pants, but tell that to a 16 year old. I’m not sure who started the trend, but seeing a young girl in white tights that leave nothing to the imagination is trashy.
Where are the parents? Why are they allowing their young girls to walk around like this?
When my daughter lived at home I recall many fights over clothing.
Now I realize that a small minority of parents might have no problem with the way their teenage daughter is dressing.
Then there is the percentage of parents who may not have a clue what their daughter is actually wearing once they leave the house . They may have prohibited their daughter from wearing certain clothing, only to have her change outfits once she leaves the house.
I recall one time when my daughter was in high school. My husband received a phone call from the school that she had been cutting class. He drove over to the school to find her in the hall wearing a skirt that didn’t cover her tush when she sat down. He was livid. My daughter did not leave the house like that or did she own the skirt she was wearing. She borrowed it from a friend. Needless to say my husband made her change.
I don’t know how many times she came home with shorts too short or inappropriate tops with sayings on them and we took them from her.
“Sexy” clothing such as thongs and lingerie is now manufactured in children’s sizes and marketed to tweens. I recall my daughter coming home from school at 13, telling me that most of the girls in her class were wearing thongs. 13?
I know from experience what a struggle it can be arguing with a furious thirteen-year-old who wants a pair of thongs ‘like all the other girls in her gym class” can sometimes seem like a battle not worth fighting. It can be difficult to say no when your daughter is begging you for that thong, but it’s your responsibility as a parent to say no.
Why are girls dressing this way though?
Girls may dress provocatively for a number of reasons, from wanting to fit in with her peers to wanting to appear older than she is or to attract attention from the opposite sex.
Clothing that is both sexy and provocative are being marketed to a much younger audience and more and more provocative clothing is being released each year.
Many of the children styles as well as teen styles look the same as the ones in the ladies wear section of department stores.
I recall last year hearing on the radio one mothers frustration to find a Halloween costume for her 12 year old daughter that wasn’t sexually provocative. (Then you have celebrity parents like the The Cyruses who allow their nine year old daughter to dress like this: Noah Cyrus’ Inappropriate Halloween Costume: Seriously?)
T-shirts including slogans such as ‘sex kitten’ and ‘flirt’ are now being made for girls as young as six. Primark is the latest British retailer to face criticism for making padded bikini tops for girls as young as seven.
Magazine websites like sugarscape.com run modeling competitions like are you 2010 most stylish teen, where girls can upload photos of them-self to be rated on.
If you can’t see that media encourage girls to believe that their appearance is based on their sexual attractiveness then you must be living on a rock or walking around blindfolded.
Before you go off on me, this isn’t just my opinion.
“The media is a huge influence to girls’ style of dress,” says Dr. Elizabeth Ward, a member of the American Pscyhological Association (APA)
The desire to fit in and belong is a common feeling amongst young girls and marketers know this.
CBC claims that, “Sex has always sold, but now its children that are buying. Tweens, kids aged eight to 14, are a hot target for companies. And now more than ever, sex is being used to get their dollars” (Buying into Sexy) CBC followed around a preteen for a day. When asked why young girls feel the need to dress sexy, the girl replied, “You get more attention and strange guys come up to you and try and get you to go to nightclubs.”
The fact that sex is being used to sell to young girls is very disturbing and I commented on that in my recent post “Sex in advertising.” Abercrombie and Fitch’s website has a A&F Lifestyle section that displays pictures of models in sexual poses.
In 2007, the American Psychological Association Task Force released a report examining the sexualization of young girls via the media.
The APA report noted several examples that they felt sexualized young women, including: Bratz dolls, Sexy lingerie, and Thongs aimed at young girls.
A website Mumsnet have launched a campaign called ‘Let Girls Be Girls’ and they have asked retailers to commit not to sell products which play upon, emphasize or exploit girls sexuality.
So the next time you see a young teenage girl wearing daisy duke shorts and a top that shows too much cleavage you can get mad at media for the sexualization of our children.
Related posts:
Sexualisation of young girls in fashion
The sexualization of girls
Rose DesRochersRose wears many hats. She's a wife, mother, respite worker, proud shih-tzu owner, blogger, published poet, freelance writer, as well as the owner and administrator of Today's Writing Community and Blogger Talk Blogging Community. Feel free to contact her with any questions you may have.Rose DesRochers has 1017 post(s) at Rose DesRochers – World Outside My Window
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65 responses so far ↓
Wrote: Sep 1, 2010 at 4:25 pm
Tights, like, to school? Ridiculous.
I notice elementary kids do say “Sexy” and “Hot” for looking good and to me that’s way beyond the pale.
Crazy times.
xo
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 7:42 pm
Yes tights to school. My daughter wears hers under a short skirt or dress the way they are meant to be warn, but I have seen girls wearing them as pants.
Wrote: Sep 1, 2010 at 4:27 pm
I agree with your stance that teens are allowed to dress way to provocatively. It is inappropriate. I think it is just more of a byproduct that parents are spending more time worrying about things like income and lifestyle more so than paying close attention to their kids.
Parents just don’t seem to think things through like you have done here. It is much easier to just allow it and turn the other way than it is to accept responsibility for doing what is right.
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 6:36 pm
I agree with you regarding some parents. I recall getting into an argument with a friend a few months regarding their daughter. They brought up that they both work jobs and often times she’s at home alone. I realized that must be tough, and yet again there are things that they do that they shouldn’t. They say they are going to set rules, but don’t follow through. I think sometimes for them it is easier to give in.
Now I try hard to bite my tongue and not tell them how to parent.
Wrote: Sep 1, 2010 at 4:57 pm
Try as I might, I cannot agree that fashion is a huge problem for parents. Rather, the real problem is the simple fact that parents and their children do not have frank conversations about the meaning behind fashion.
As a youth, I was heavy into punk music and the requisite fashion. At times I rocked a Mohawk; at other times, I couldn’t remember my natural hair colour.
Rather than freak out and label me a drug user, my Mom and Dad chose to sit me down and engage in dialogue. There were no threats, no judgement, just talking.
Through talking to me, they discovered the I hated the mainstream hockey players with their ‘get drunk, f**k girls’ attitude. They also discovered I was a straight edge punk who shunned drugs and alcohol.
One civil conversation and a crisis was averted. They no longer worried how I dressed as long as I agreed to mellow out around grandparents. And, in later years when I got in trouble, I was comfortable enough to talk to them first.
The teens are a time to rebel.
One of the joys if being a punk is that I got to see what strict parents did to their kids. The strictest parents had the most screwed up kids. The kids whose parents made them change usually ended up going down the pot-speed-cocaine path and really screwing up their lives. As for the kids whose parents engaged in dialogue, we are all doing pretty well for ourselves.
Sweet heavens parents, lighten up, talk don’t lecture and don’t push your kids away over relatively small things.
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 6:28 pm
I have had many conversations with my children regarding fashion.
We just left the mall where my son wanted to purchase a shirt of two girls making out. When I thought it was a girl & guy on the shirt making out- I said no. When my husband told me it was actually two girls – I said no.
When we arrived home from the mall my son asked what was wrong with the shirt. I explained to him that it would send the message that what he fantasied about was two girls kissing.
He said that he saw two girls kissing and it does nothing for him.
I told him that it did not matter as I felt the shirt sent the wrong message.
So, FYI parents do engage in dialogue. Maybe not all, but a majority of parents do.
Wrote: Sep 1, 2010 at 5:27 pm
I hate this trend; it makes me sad and frustrated. So, I’m wondering what body parts I’ll have to see this school year, YUCK. TMI!!
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 6:33 pm
You may have to walk into the school blindfolded. Do you still teach? If so, I can bet you’ll be telling many girls to cover up and boys to pull up their pants.
Wrote: Sep 1, 2010 at 5:51 pm
This is a subject that just seems to get more and more ridiculous – and dangerous – as time goes on. The last straw for me was a neighbor’s child, perhaps about six years old, with the word “Sassy” across the back of a pair of shorty shorts, playing in her driveway. At this point we’re not talking about a teenager who left the house only to change later. This is a child dressed that way by the parents. Of course, the child evidently didn’t figure this was enough, and tactically had removed two of the decal letters from the shorts.
Why are things so different now? Was it really that long ago when girls (and boys!) were basically so terrified by “stranger danger” that they would have at least have some concept of risk? Are people just completely oblivious of it, now?
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 6:32 pm
Perhaps the parents think it is cute. Give it five years and they won’t be thinking it so cute.
Sadly, Technology opened a door to strangers.
Wrote: Sep 1, 2010 at 6:39 pm
@Rose DesRochers: I can’t entirely blame technology for opening the door to strangers. Greg got it right; that wouldn’t be an issue either if parents and children engaged in conversation.
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 7:34 pm
When I commented on technology opening the door I was not blaming technology. I was referring to computers being allowed in childrens bedroom. However, that is a conversation I prefer to not to discus now as it doesn’t pertain to the subject matter of my post.
You mention that “Greg got it right; that wouldn’t be an issue either if parents and children engaged in conversation.” Could you explain what you mean by that. Are you saying clothes wouldn’t be an issue if parents talked to their children?
Wrote: Sep 1, 2010 at 6:45 pm
Hi Rose!
I agree totally in what you are saying. And as a parent, I share in your concerns and fears (my children are a bit younger than yours so the fears aren’t quite so big… yet).
To my mind, there are two main things at fault here. The first is, as you suggested, the media. Or, more specifically, the speed and ease at which that media is both transmitted and consumed. One hundred years ago if you wanted to see someone on the other side of the world you had to jump on a ship and spend six months on the ocean getting there. Today you simply flip on a webcam, or fire up your web browser.
Because we no longer have to wait for our information, or work very hard to get it, we have devalued it, and grown accustomed, even immune to it. The media moguls want to make money and they believe that if they thrill us, or shock us, do anything to elicit strong emotions, that we’ll hand over more of our hard earned cash. The trouble is, the more they give us, the more it takes to get the desired response.
The second thing that is at fault here are parents. Parents who refuse to take responsibility for their children’s actions. Parents who refuse to discipline their children when they do something wrong. Parents who refuse to guide, protect, and educate their children. Parents who refuse to be parents.
Being a parent is not easy. But no matter how hard it is, no matter what you’re up against, it is NO EXCUSE. There is simply too much at stake to ever give in.
Thanks for the reminder of just how important my job as a parent is, Rose.
Kind regards,
Steve
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 7:38 pm
Steve, when you say “The second thing that is at fault here are parents.” I’m a parent. Am I to blame because my daughter went to school and changed into a short skirt loaned to her by a friend? I disciplined my children when they did wrong. I guided, protected and educated them. I was and am a parent.
At some point children need to take responsibility. If I tell my child no. If I explain why I mean no and they go out and do it any way then they are responsible.
My daughter was responsible for wearing the skirt. Not me!
Wrote: Sep 1, 2010 at 8:21 pm
@Rose DesRochers:
Yes. And the school shares some of the blame for not having better dress codes. The parents of the friend also share the blame.
At this point your child needs to be punished. Part of responsibility is accepting the consequences of one’s actions.
Are your (or anyone else’s) children free from responsibility? No, of course not. Responsibility is an important facet of life that all children must learn. But until the child becomes an adult, independent of their parents, the parents are responsible (sometimes solely, sometimes in a shared way) for everything the child says, thinks, or does.
It is simply one of the consequences of bringing a human life into this world that we, as parents, must bear.
Kind regards,
Steve
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 9:23 pm
How am I to be blamed for my 17 year old daughters behavior that was against my wishes?
She was punished for her actions once brought to our knowledge.
All people, including teenagers, are responsible for their own actions. Letting teens be responsible for their actions helps teach them.
Parents are not to be blamed for the actions of their children. Nonetheless, this is not to suggest that parents are relieved of all responsibility.
Wrote: Sep 1, 2010 at 9:37 pm
@Rose DesRochers: Rose, this has turned into a wonderfully animated discussion! Am really enjoying reading the comments here.
I don’t have any answers, none of us do, that’s the joy of being a parent. What I do see though, more and more, is parents and children who are both content with a lack of communication, or worse, intent to put up as many barriers as possible. It’s not just the kids.
Something like how kids dress, and the messages they send to others; their personalities; their self-confidence; their self-awareness; they’re not things we can enforce, but they’re things we can help them discover. All we can do on this journey is help them take responsibility. Of course, there’s not a single instruction book out there.
On a lighter note, I once ended up taking one of my daughters to school, bleary-eyed and unaware how she was dressed. Tights as pants…. *sigh*
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 1st, 2010 at 10:09 pm
There are three times of parenting styles- authoritative, authoritarian and permissive.
What irks me is when people comment putting all parents in the same class.
Perhaps I’ll write about the three styles.
Wrote: Sep 1, 2010 at 11:35 pm
I’m sure some of the girls may have bought them from babysitting money, but I’m guessing the majority had their parents pay for them. Some moms see no problem with a 13 year old wearing a thong. It all comes down to a style of parenting, so yes media plays a role, parents play a role and peer pressure play a role.
Wrote: Sep 1, 2010 at 11:52 pm
@Rose DesRochers: Yep and in the end the parent has the final say and unfortunately for the rest of us some decide to take the path of least resistance.
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 2nd, 2010 at 12:00 am
The ones taking the wrong path are those permissive parents.
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 8:08 am
My girls are both short (5′ and 5’2″) and every time I see the shirt “I’m not short I’m fun size” I cringe.
My 17 year old hates skinny jeans and wears light sweaters over her sundresses and shorts under her skirts. Megan is 19. She likes the short skirts and skinny jeans, but she wears tights or shorts under the skirts.
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 3:00 pm
I’m rather intrigued by all of the finger pointing that Parents seem to be at blame for the actions of their teen(s). Are we forgetting that teens do have a mind of their own? We are rather intellectual people. We are aware of what we want, and are capable of making our own decisions. Yes at times we may not always make the best decisions, or we do things that are rather unorthodox; but that is the part of growing up. We are in a sea of people, and we are trying to define who we are. Our styles aren’t influenced by numerous things. We don’t always dress a certain way to get attention; a girl doesn’t always put on a pair of tight jeans and a revealing top with the intentions of looking trashy and being provocative. Instead of pointing fingers at the adults and asking them why, turn to the teen in the skinny jeans and the revealing shirt with the profane words and go why? I can guarantee you will get a much better answer than debating it back and forth amongst the adults.
I work in a clothing store, and all day I hear the constant conversations between parents and their children. When you have minimal options in clothing choices it does not leave the parent or the child much of an option. The style of clothing is not a reflection of one’s parenting, or that of the person that is wearing it. Wrongful judgment is often passed, and everyone is quick to assume, jumping to conclusions.
Sire you said “look at those 13 year olds that are wearing thongs. It’s not like they bought them. Who pays for their revealing clothes? It’s the parents and so the fault lies with them.” I disagree with you, you cannot put the blame on the parent, let me reword that… you can put the blame on the parent, but it doesn’t mean you are right. Where I work there is a nice rack with a large array of underwear options. Numerous times I have seen young girls purchase these undergarments without a parent with them. Yes the money may have been given to the child by the parent, but it does not mean that the parents bought them for their child; for the child made the initial purchase. Not to mention the discussion between the young girls all saying ‘I hope my parents don’t find out’.
Welcome to the teen years. I think it has dawned on you all that your child is no longer five and being dressed by their parent, they no longer have arranged play dates, and watching shows with good morals. Instead, they are developing into young adults; they are making their own decision (with the influence of their peers, and parents), they are falling into different social groups, and watching shows and listening to their own music, all in which caters to their interests. None of which has anything to do with their parent’s choices and what they dictate or what they say goes in their house hold.
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 2nd, 2010 at 3:59 pm
@J. Children may no longer being dressed by their parents, but as you very well know parents still have a say over what their childrens choice of clothes, provided they are not sneaking out of the house without parents knowledge and changing.
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:07 pm
The only problem that I have with your debate is that last paragraph. I do believe it is important for children to have their own sense of individuality, but morals learned by parents should not be ignored.
As a teen wouldn’t you agree that peers can have a positive influence as well as a negative influence on each other.
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 3:38 pm
As mom of two adult young women, I can tell you the teenage years were a struggle. We went round and round about appropriate shirts, shorts and skirts. We engaged in constructive conversation and consequences for actions, but peer pressure is a powerful influence between 13 and 18. Combined with the fact that these years are the ones young women have the least positive self-esteem and you have a recipe for parent/child conflict, regardless of how good a parent you are.
I disagree with Steve on the remark that parents are always are to blame when their kids are caught doing something wrong even though parental rules and expectations are laid out. His kids are still young. He may be needing salt and pepper for that crow in a few short years when, despite his best discipline efforts, his kids repeat bad behavior after the consequence is enforced.
It’s easy to throw in the towel and let them do “whatever” when the ride gets bumpy. Parenting is hard. The saying, “train up a child in the way he should go and s/he will not depart from it” is true. It just doesn’t say WHEN that child will not depart from it! I recently went with my 22 year old college grad to look for “professional clothes” for job interviews and she was the one rejecting most of the options!
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 5:02 pm
Your argument that there aren’t enough choices is bull. There are plenty of choices for kids of any age to wear clothing that doesn’t show them in an overly sexual manner. You are shopping at the wrong stores my dear. The trendy teen stores at the mall sell slutty clothing. The big stores sell some too but also offer plenty of fashionable clothing that will not reveal cleavage or butt cracks or anything else inappropriate.
Children have a tendency to see how far they can push the limits. It is mom and dad’s responsibility to set those limits and make sure their children stay within them. It doesn’t matter who buys the clothing or who pays for it. It is still mom and dad’s responsibility to do their best job at making sure their kids stay within limits.
If kids want to be treated like mature adults they need to act like mature adults. A teenager dressing in a sexually explicit manner is not what I would call a mature teen. They may as well be wearing a sign that says “Somebody Please Help me!”
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 2nd, 2010 at 7:54 pm
In defense of J I’d like to comment having shopped at Walmart for my daughter there were not many jeans to choose from. Most of the styles were low riding. I also recall in May going to Walmart in search of a dress for myself. Now I’m a plus size woman and all the dresses in stock were short- very short.
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 6:10 pm
@LisaF:
Hi Lisa! You wrote…
Well, putting it like that, I would disagree with it too. I apologise whole-heartedly for using the word “blame”. It conjures up much more than it should. The message that I was trying to get across is that parents are responsible (either directly or indirectly) and accountable for the actions of their children. Oh, and to be clear, I’m not only talking about the times when the kids do something wrong, but also when they do something right.
haha! Yes, I have no doubt. But you know what? Even while I’m eating that crow, I’m still responsible and accountable for my children and their actions (hopefully by this time it is in much more of a shared way with them).
Kindest regards,
Steve
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 2nd, 2010 at 7:50 pm
How old did you say your children were Steve?
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:11 pm
Steve, when I ask you if I was to blame for my daughters changing behind my back you said yes.
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 6:15 pm
@Rose DesRochers: I agree you do have a valid point. Children/Teens can be deceptive, and they will sneak around their parents, testing their limits of course. I think after reading all of the comments, thats where the bases of the finger pointing comes from. Its after the child has disobeyed their parent, and the parent has chosen to ignore the issue that the parents then fall into blame. I think everyone can agree on that?
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 6:21 pm
@Steve Youngs: Im unsure how it becomes the parents fault, when they were unaware that there child would get a skirt from their friend, and then change into at school. How is the parent held responsible for these actions? Clearly they cannot be with their child 24/7 although I am sure that is what many hope for, it isn’t possible. So again I ask how you can blame that situation on the parent?
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:32 pm
J you are correct. My job was to teach her what clothes were appropriate to wear and see that those were the clothes she bought.
My job was to teach her there would be consequences for her actions if she disobeyed me. It was my job to talk to her about peer pressure and sex etc etc
I did all that.
It was her responsibility to respect my wishes. I can not be blamed for her disobedience.
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 6:57 pm
@Greg H.: I think you are over exaggerating with the whole “the kids whose parents made them change usually ended up going down the pot-speed-cocaine path and really screwing up their lives”. Just because a parent disapproved of their child??s clothing or style, and makes them change does not mean that they are going to fall into that ‘pot-speed-cocaine path’ and screw up their lives; it means the child is probably going to disagree with their parent and rebel, definitely not to the degree that you are letting on. Secondly I can guarantee that the parents that make their children change, are the types of parents who ‘engage in dialogue’. Why do I say that?
Obviously if these parents care enough to make their child change, they too talk to their children to ensure that their child is going down the right path. You also said that your parents “no longer worried how [you] dressed” and as a result in later years “when [you] got in trouble” you were comfortable enough to talk to them. So are you saying because your parents were laid back you were more comfortable with them?
A majority of my friends with laid back parents, all have the ‘my parents don’t give a *&%k?? attitude, and do to their parents relaxed parenting ways, they are less inclined to go to their parents about their problems. I recently read an article where they said children who feel their parents don’t care are more likely to act out for attention. I think having strict parents is beneficial to the child, it teaches them good morals, yes the child/teen may rebel and the child/teen may disagree, but later on they come to the understanding that “hey our parents were looking out for us”, and they are thankful. So I think you have it backwards when you say the strict parents end up with the screwed up and troubled kids…It’s the other way around, the laid back, what did Rose call them? Permissiveness Parents are the parents that end up with the troubled child/teenager.
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 7:02 pm
@J.:
Hello J!
I just wanted to add my $0.02 to what you and Sire have said about the 13 year olds buying, what I’m going to call, inappropriate clothing…
First of all I do know that sometimes kids will buy their own clothes, even at that tender age, sometimes with their parents’ money, sometimes with their own. So, is the parent directly responsible for the purchase? Well only if the parent is the one handing over the money to the cashier, otherwise no. However, that is not where the parent’s responsibility begins or ends. It is the responsibility of the parent to nurture and help develop their children’s decision making skills, and value systems.
My kids aren’t yet old enough to go to the mall by themselves, but when they are, will I let them go and buy their own clothes (with my money or theirs)? Yes. Hopefully they’ll make wise choices, but I’m willing to let them learn from their mistakes. The lesson from a 13 year old buying a thong involves a pair of scissors and a garbage can.
Lastly, I’d like to recount something that happened here just this morning that I think (hope) shows the beginnings of a nice healthy value system…
I was ironing my daughter’s school uniform this morning, a dress, when she walked in and told me that she could not wear that particular uniform anymore. I asked her why, expecting to hear about how none of her friends wear it anymore (the school has 2 uniforms for the girls, the dress, such as I was ironing, and a shirt + shorts affair). No, peer pressure wasn’t the reason.
“Daddy, I can’t wear it because it fails the bend-over test”
The “bend-over test” is simply: if underwear can be seen when you bend over in front of someone the skirt or dress you are wearing is too short.
Needless to say, I am writing to you today as one very proud Dad.
Kindest regards,
Steve.
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:14 pm
Oh my Steve it is easy to see that you have not parented a teenager yet. A parent can be very nurturing and help develop their children’s decision making skills, and value systems yet peer pressure and media can play sometimes a bigger role than what is taught in the home.
As a child did you ever do anything against your parents approval?
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:37 pm
Now I’m assuming the bend over test is a rule the school has in place?
Teens go through a ton of changes concerning their bodies Steve. At some point no matter what values you teach her I assure you that you will have a clothes argument.
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 8:19 pm
@Kathy: Bull? I’m sorry Kathy are you saying that I have an invalid argument? As a clarification I was not agreeing with the clothing choices. I was merely saying that there is a dismal amount of options when it comes to shopping for clothing. Clothing stores are constantly keeping up with the trends, and I’m sorry but the amount of “fashionable clothing” that is deemed appropriate is scarce. Stores that have a relatively good name for themselves, that are supposed to be setting a respectful image have still fallen into the same inappropriate styles. Your once so called ‘standard jean’ is now ‘low-rise’ or ‘relaxed fit’. So people result in buying there other options, not the best but it??s what is current. I’m still laughing at your “They may as well be wearing a sign that says ‘Somebody Please Help me!”’… You are deeming the clothing as sexually explicit, yet are you blind to the media and what is being portrayed as appropriate? This is what is being sold. I’m pretty sure the way one dresses is not connected to their maturity level. I myself am a teenager. I’m responsible and rather mature for my age. Here I sit talking amongst adults in a mature manner; what I am wearing is not affecting this conversation what so ever. It has nothing to do with my mentality or maturity.
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 8:28 pm
@Rose DesRochers: It’s hard not to agree with you, a teenager should not ignore the morals taught by their parents; but in our stage of development we do. The fact that we at times stop to think about what was taught, or consider what has been taught is progress, for we often disagree. I do agree with peers having both a positive and negative impact amongst each other; but that is all part of growing up learning from your mistakes, not all mistakes can be adverted, although some may like to think that…
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 2nd, 2010 at 8:39 pm
I can honestly say that often times I have said…. my parents were right.
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 8:44 pm
@Steve Youngs: Hey Steve,
Your two cents is welcomed, I mentioned this in another comment, whether or not it was before or after your comment I am unsure: “So, is the parent directly responsible for the purchase? Well only if the parent is the one handing over the money to the cashier, otherwise no.” I’m glad that you are in agreement with that. I was also in agreement with it being “the responsibility of the parent to nurture and help develop their children’s decision making skills, and value systems.”
As sweet as it is with your daughter coming to you about the skirt, I wouldn’t say it is the “beginnings of a nice healthy value system”, for the school had said it was inappropriate, and she is still at a young age where her value system begins and ends with you; where a teens value system begins with the parent, but is then influenced by other means.
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 9:33 pm
@Rose DesRochers:
You assume wrongly. It is my rule. Well, technically it comes from my wife, who got it from her father. But I reckon it’s a damn good rule so I’m keeping it.
We’ve already had them. And I know that the older she gets, the more often they’ll occur (and probably more severe too)
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 2nd, 2010 at 9:44 pm
Steve, when she does disobey you, if she does I’ll be sure to tell you that it is not your fault.
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 9:57 pm
@J.:
Her reasons for not wanting to wear the dress had nothing to do with anything that was said at school. It was because of what her mother and I had taught her about what is appropriate and what is not. She made the decision to not wear it before it could become an issue for the school.
Yes, absolutely agree. However, the parent’s influence will still be felt in the teen years. Hopefully enough so that the teen will take on more positive values than they discard, and discard more negative ones than they take on. This is also why it is so important for parents to nurture their children’s values in their formative years.
Parenting! Man oh man, it is a tough gig!
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 10:01 pm
@Rose DesRochers:
Kaitlyn is 10 and Blake is 8. I also have a 14 year old daughter, Tiffany, but she lives with her mum on the other side of the country so I don’t have a direct and hands on parenting role there.
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 10:10 pm
@Rose DesRochers:
Yes. I should have said “indirectly so”. I apologise for not making that clear.
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 10:16 pm
@Rose DesRochers:
Of course I did, but never without having to face the consequences. I should also point out (admittedly, with the benefit of hindsight), that I can’t recall any of those incidents where my parents weren’t right, or where I would have been better off if I had adhered to my parents’ wishes.
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:48 am
Rose ” As a child did you ever do anything against your parents approval?”
Steve “Of course I did, but never without having to face the consequences.”
So did your parents not nurture and help develop your decision making skills, and value system?
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 10:22 pm
Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose,
This is a HOT topic for me. You see I have a 4, almost 5 year old daughter who is extremely active in a dance academy. Through the couple of years she has been there I have seen some costumes that not only caught attention – but seriously disturbed me. And it seems that not one of the parents had any sort of comment voiced about it. (the costumes in questions were for 8-10 yr olds)
Now when it comes to school clothes and clothing I see in the store being marked to CHILDREN under the age of 16 – not right. At no point should a child be wearing body hugging clothes unless in gymnastics etc. And what about swim suits? I am not even going to begin to discuss the things I have said looking at the CHILDRENS swimsuits this season.
You know, I can go on about this forever – but the thing that is the most disturbing, well 2 things.
1. Boys in skin tight pants = infertility in their future
2. Girls in skinny pants = well, they don’t call them Y-Jeans for nothing! Tight pants are not a good idea for girls or women for an ongoing length of time.
Thank you for writing this post!
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:57 am
There is no scientific evidence to prove tight jeans lead to infertility.
Wrote: Sep 2, 2010 at 10:30 pm
@Steve Youngs: It is good that it is not an issue yet. I wasnt saying that the parents influence will not be fealt in the teen years, I was saying that in the teen years they will further develop their values through other influences and on their own accord.
Wrote: Sep 3, 2010 at 12:30 am
@J.: OK J. I ask you then who washes the teen’s clothes. I’m pretty sure it would be mom and so if mom finds trashy clothes and doesn’t do anything about it then she is to blame.
Teens still need boundaries and it’s the parents job to set those boundaries. They think they know it all but they don’t otherwise they would be able to vote at 13.
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 3rd, 2010 at 12:43 am
Sire you said “They think they know it all, but they don’t otherwise they would be able to vote at 13.”
Just because you’re able to vote at 18, doesn’t mean you know everything now does it? I have met many adult who think they know everything. A sign of maturity is when you can admit than you don’t know everything and listen to someone who has been there before and may know something.
I also don’t recall J saying that he knew everything.
Oh and both my children started washing some of their own clothes around 14. My son does basically all of his own laundry now.
Wrote: Sep 3, 2010 at 1:03 am
@J.: I just wanted to make sure I dropped a line to say how I’ve been following the comments on this post all day. Many thanks to J. for bringing in a contribution that, until then, hadn’t been included in this discussion. I find it rather amusing that a bunch of us ageing parents were happily having a discussion about involving our kids, without there being that perspective properly represented. J., thank you.
Wrote: Sep 3, 2010 at 10:22 am
@Chris Nash: I’m glad I am appreciated; I think in order to properly debate any topic you need to have multiple views from all parties that it pertains too. Plus it is such a hot topic I could not resist, I had to contribute. So you are welcome, and thank you.
Wrote: Sep 3, 2010 at 10:45 am
@Sire: Sire, I’m unsure as to where the “who washes the teen’s clothes”, comment came from? I never once said that it was not the job of the parent to discipline their child when they were in the wrong; I have also stated that after “the child has disobeyed their parent, and the parent has chosen to ignore the issue that the parents then fall into blame. I think everyone can agree on that?” I have also said this “you cannot put the blame on the parent, let me reword that… you can put the blame on the parent, but it doesn’t mean you are right. Where I work there is a nice rack with a large array of underwear options. Numerous times I have seen young girls purchase these undergarments without a parent with them. Yes the money may have been given to the child by the parent, but it does not mean that the parents bought them for their child; for the child made the initial purchase.” Never once did I say anything about not blaming the parents when they became aware of the situation and didn’t act upon it.
I also never said that teen do not need boundaries, I said that they were intellectual people, and that they were capable of making their own choices, but I also said that their parents were still part of that development. “They think they know it all but they don’t otherwise they would be able to vote at 13.” With that last line of your argument, you insinuated that I let on like I know everything? For I never once said I did, and I have not acted like I did, I merely shared my opinion and debated with those who I disagree with or who have invalid arguments. Lastly I am assuming that you are above the age of 18? Yes, I’m correct? With your last comment you said that if 13 year olds knew everything they would be able to vote at 13 and not 18. So I’m assuming you think you know everything? It was implied, not said directly but definitely there. Just a clarification, just because your 18 does not mean you have the mental state to make mature and intellectual choices such as voting, heck just because your 30 it still does not meant that you have the mentality or you are mature for your age.
Wrote: Sep 3, 2010 at 11:28 pm
@Rose DesRochers: No but they would know more than a 13 year old. Let’s face it, many teens just aren’t mature enough to make responsible decisions which is the parents job.
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 4th, 2010 at 12:14 am
Sire, many teens are mature to make responsible decisions. When parents bestow some trust into their children they are giving them the opportunity to let them grow into responsible, independent adults that will make wise decisions.
Wrote: Sep 4, 2010 at 9:14 pm
Rose, the only thing I disagree with is your assessment that this is a small minority of parents. Unfortunately, this has become epidemic because it is NOT a small majority of parents anymore. Many (many) parents haven’t a clue and in fact are more worried about their precious child’s “right to freedom of speech/expression” than setting any kinds of rules. I agree with the commenter who said – “don’t argue with your kids over small things” – the problem is that we disagree over what is a “small thing”.
Getting young girls to dress sexy is plan wrong – study after study shows that parents who firmly and consistently set boundaries for their children (see Supernanny) on important behavior end up with BETTER behaved and more stable children – but yes, one must not be the “so strict parent that nothing is ok” – that backfires.
THERE IS A SIMPLE FIX FOR THIS – Parents don’t buy the clothes, schools – require school uniforms. DONE!
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 4th, 2010 at 9:38 pm
Jon, have you not been following the entire discussion? Teens and even pre-teens buy clothing without adults present.
Even if a child attends a school with a uniform policy in place there is always the weekend when they are out and about with friends.
As I think I have said Most of today’s clothing styles for teen girls do nothing to promote modesty.
Many parents today are concerned about the fashions available to preteens and teens. Some parents have even gone as far to boycott the companies.
Wrote: Sep 6, 2010 at 7:40 pm
I quote from one of your commenters:”the parents are responsible (sometimes solely, sometimes in a shared way) for everything the child says, thinks, or does.” I’m a teacher and see lots and lots of young people and this statement makes my blood run cold. What kind of children are we supposed to rear–programmable robots who can be 100% controlled? Or perhaps children are actual human beings who do make mistakes in judgement ON THEIR OWN! Like all the rest of us. Good grief.
Rose DesRochers Reply:
September 6th, 2010 at 11:08 pm
Amen Margaret.
Wrote: Nov 4, 2010 at 1:24 pm
Wow! I’m amazed and barely even realized that today’s trends for children are dominated by the media. Thanks for sharing this post, I’m sure a lot of parents would relate to this helpless feeling of having their children wear ‘sexy’ clothing. It’s sad that childhood is no longer what it used to be.
Wrote: May 5, 2011 at 9:55 am
I would have to agree when i do go to the mall I don’t see much of decent clothing for little girls other than the department stores, yet they are filled with the slutty clothes as well. So you kids want to wear what everyone else is wearing, but I just wish we could get back to the days were kids were kids, teenagers were teenagers adn adults adults. Why is there the need to grow up so quickly this world isn’t all it’s cracked up to be when you get old enough to understand it all.